battle of the basic cable gay christmas movies: hallmark vs. lifetime
‘The Christmas House’ or ‘The Christmas Setup:’ Who donned it gayer?
I hope nobody minded my week away from writing here. Between the formal launch of the nonprofit organization I’m a part of — shoutout to the Batavia Community Diversity Initiative — and the general ennui I’m sure most folks are struggling through right now, I didn’t have much to say last week. But before we tie a bow around the year that wasn’t, I have one more piece of seasonal content for you.
A few weeks back, I offered up my lukewarm take that Hulu’s Happiest Season was pretty good, actually, and the resulting discourse in my DMs indicated to me that all of you might be interested in another deep dive on the full slate of queer holiday made-for-TV cinema that has made ~herstory~ this year. So I took the time to watch and analyze — I have five pages of notes — the Hallmark Channel’s The Christmas House and Lifetime’s The Christmas Setup.
First of all, let’s back this up a bit: This time last year, the Hallmark Channel found itself smack in the middle of a culture war. The channel controversially pulled a gay-themed ad from wedding planning platform Zola from the air due to the rightwing group One Million Moms making a big ole juicy stink about it. The channel quickly issued an apology and before too much longer, its CEO, Bill Abbott, abruptly left the company.
The Hallmark Channel, it should also be noted, has traditionally leaned more to the right in its output. As the LA Times explored in this 2017 story, its viewership is strongest in red states and the channel has typically tailored its programming to this audience. Abbott told the paper that “quality and heritage and family friendly” are the strengths of the channel’s brand.
Lifetime, on the other hand, has already included LGBTQ characters in its holiday fare as part of its generally more progressive and diverse approach to the genre. Last year, it featured its first same-sex kiss between characters in 2019’s Twinkle All the Way. In August, Lifetime upped the ante and announced it would release its first-ever Christmas movie centered on an LGTBQ romance: The Christmas Setup. Its hand seemingly forced by the controversy and Lifetime’s broadening of its holiday movie brand, Hallmark announced its own first-ever gay Christmas movie — The Christmas House — a month and a half later.
Hallmark’s offering to the oeuvre was released first. For all the fuss made about the fact that Mean Girls actor and Cake Wars host Jonathan Bennett was playing a gay man trying to adopt a child with his husband, Bennett’s role in the film is relatively minor. The central focus of the film is Bennett’s character’s straight actor brother getting together with his high school crush and buying the Denver family house to continue its tradition of decking out its halls for the whole neighborhood to enjoy every year.
Honestly, The Christmas House is cute enough, but Bennett and his husband’s roles are not explored in much depth at all among the approximately six different plot lines the movie entails. (I also, personally, have issues with the fact that Bennett’s eyebrows never move, but that’s sort of beside the point.) There’s some creepy compulsory heterosexuality explored with it being implied, at one point, that the neighbor woman’s young son was learning magic to impress a girl.
Where Hallmark’s movie did score some points: Bennett and his husband, played by Brad Harder, share a kiss 40 minutes into the runtime (commercials included). This will be important later.
From my notes:
Why would remodel their bakery right before Christmas???
That airline employee seemed homophobic
Oat milk = Going Hollywood??????
Overbearing mom has a whistle and a festive clipboard and LOVES them
“That garland isn’t going to fluff itself”
Overall The Christmas House Rating: 6 un-fluffed garland strands out of 10
Now, let’s talk The Christmas Setup. Y’all, this movie is cute as hell. Blake Lee plays a Pete Buttigieg-vibes neurotic lawyer who’s back in Milwaukee for the holidays and reconnects with his high school crush, played by Ben Lewis, with the help of his PFLAG-parent-of-the-year mother, Fran Drescher. The writing is smart, with plenty of queer double entendres, the chemistry is real — Lee and Lewis are together IRL — and there’s even a drag show, a performance of the Judy Garland classic “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and some exploration of secretly-gay local history. JoJo sings the opening song and The Carrie Diaries alum Ellen Wong is cast as the best friend (who also gets a romantic storyline of her own). Gay rights.
Lifetime’s gay kiss comes later in the runtime — 1 hour and 16 minutes in — but it is a steamy one in a blanket-lined truck bed overlooking the northern lights, thanks to an accurate prediction from Cassandra, the app that Lewis’s character made a boatload of money inventing. Inspiring choices all around.
Notes on The Christmas Setup:
The tree = metaphor for you know what
The train station looks like a Metra stop — have they been to Milwaukee before?
“Good trouble” — did they really just quote John Lewis?!
“Thick Milwaukee accent” YES thank you for acknowledging Fran’s voice makes no sense for Milwaukee
“Can you grab those balls off the shelf?”
Overall The Christmas Setup Rating: 9 festive holiday balls on a shelf out of 10
In the end, this holiday smackdown really wasn’t even close. The Christmas Setup got the vibe pretty much perfect and the casting was strong, while Hallmark’s movie felt… like it was definitely written by straight people. But it’s a starting point, and at least all the actors were gay (I hate you, James Corden). Maybe next year we could see some queer people of color, transgender folks or literally any representation beyond cis white gay men?
In the meantime, I’m just going to rewatch Hulu’s last-minute doubling down on its queer holiday content: the excellent, just-released Jinkx & DeLa Holiday Special. And Paramount Network — the one channel I somehow don’t have access to — also has Dashing In December featuring Andie MacDowell.
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OK, I have some holiday cards to write, so the rest of this week’s post is going to be a big ole link dump of some things I can’t stop thinking about:
Motown legend Smokey Robinson very wholesomely told a Jewish fan to “enjoy chanooka” in a viral Cameo and this is already almost as iconic as Nigella Lawson pronouncing microwave “mee-crow-wah-vey.”
The apparently fake empire of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Erika Jayne and her husband, iconic lawyer of Erin Brockovich fame Tom Girardi, is currently falling to pieces right in front of our eyes. This LA Times story lays out how we got here and, just yesterday, Jayne posted then deleted screenshots seemingly revealing Girardi’s affair with a California judge.
Tom Cruise was caught on tape freaking out about the crew of Mission: Impossible 7 (wait, there are six already???) not following COVID-19 protocols and being forced to shut down. Leah Remini says it’s all a publicity stunt, but either way the audio pairs perfectly with footage from Rudolph:
Patti LaBelle was just featured in a brilliant Oprah Magazine piece by Hunter Harris that is sweet and spicy all the way through, but my favorite parts are when she describes her mentorship from Nina Simone as well as her response to questions about her nephew and adopted son Byl Holte: “Guess what? I didn't choose my family.”
FKA twigs has filed a lawsuit against Shia LaBeouf over a “relentless” pattern of abuse including sexual battery, assault and knowing giving her a sexually transmitted disease during their relationship. Believe twigs, believe women.
Trevor Wilkinson, a gay high school student in Texas, was suspended indefinitely earlier this month because he paints his nails. Reportedly Wilkinson has been told he cannot return to classes until he removes his nail polish. His story has drummed up worldwide support, including over 350,000 signatures to a Change.org petition calling for his suspension to be lifted and the school’s dress code to be updated. Meanwhile, the school board still hasn’t budged.
Dolly Parton was interviewed by RuPaul in Marie Claire and verbally eviscerated the Drag Race host and fracking proponent in a way only the country icon can, saying in defense of her staying made up and “street ready” at all times: “I’m not running out in the street looking like you look now.” Set and match, Dolly.
HBO Max’s The Flight Attendant star Kaley Cuoco reportedly bought the rights to adapt the best-selling book for screen solely based on its cover and the fact that Reese Witherspoon hadn’t optioned it yet. Good for her.
Anna Paquin wasn’t informed of the True Blood reboot that’s in the works. Harsh.
James Corden just played a flamboyant gay role in Netflix’s The Prom, and this The Guardian essay explains exactly why he should absolutely know better. Please, somebody stop Ryan Murphy before someone is seriously hurt.
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Listen: Man, I don’t know about you but I miss seeing and hugging my friends. I leave you with It’s Christmas and I Fucking Miss You, a collaboration between pop punk faves PUP and Charly Bliss that I think hums up this holiday season pretty well.