i took an edible and investigated britney spears’ instagram.
Is there truth to the #FreeBritney conspiracy theories? I spent an afternoon trying to find out.
Look, I’m no stan but I’ve always deeply appreciated Britney Spears and her unique brand of pop bangers and mom memes. When Juliette Lewis famously screamed “Can’t you save us Britney Spears?!?!?!”… I felt that.
But I’ve also been perplexed by Spears’ chronically bizarre social media presence lately. She made headlines when she said she burned her home gym down in April and the posts frequently trend on Twitter. As the months go on, the manic dance videos, bizarre Q&A sessions and repeated postings of the same photos continue to raise flags.
News this week indicated that might be with good reason: Spears’ attorneys were in court on Thursday in an attempt to amend the legal conservatorship she has lived under for some 12 years, ever since her struggles with substance abuse and mental health went public. The conservatorship means that Spears’ father, Jamie Spears, along with one co-conservator, hold most of the control over his daughter’s life, particularly its finances in an arrangement typically used for seniors or individuals with physical or mental limitations. The judge opted to extend the conservatorship until February.
Meanwhile, while the calls to #FreeBritney have and even the dang ACLU has offered its legal support, Spears took to her Instagram (embedded below) following the hearing on Thursday to thank her fans for their support the best way she apparently knows how: by answering a set of questions that exactly nobody is asking in her IG comments, including “what’s your favorite holiday?” [it’s Halloween] and her favorite subject in school [history] and her favorite designer [Tom Ford].
The video is strange for so many reasons. First, we have a 38-year-old woman answering questions lifted from a J-14 or Teen Vogue sidebar circa 1999. Then there’s the fidgeting and shifting. The sped-up vocal delivery. The fact that the video clip doesn’t seem to match the caption. And as I scrolled through the many #FreeBritney comments, I learned that Spears’ “favorite book” [A Good Woman by Danielle Steel] is a book about a woman who escapes a privileged life defined by betrayal in the U.S. to live in freedom in war-torn France instead.
Now, I can’t say I’ve read enough (or any) Steel to know whether the comparison fits, but I had to know more. So, I did what any level-headed gay human in quarantine would do: I took a grapefruit-flavored weed gummy and spent a full afternoon reading through hundreds of comments on Spears’ IG, Twitter and more.
Your fearless investigator.
Let me just say, as the buzz wears off and I navigate my 2,000+ words of notes and links, the theories are many and of varying quality. The prevailing consensus of fans on Spears’ IG seems to be that the peasant top-adorned pop star is in trouble. It goes without saying that the below theories are solely theories, of course, but among the theories that repeatedly show up are:
Spears is not posting her own content, and does not read the comments. The account, instead, is either managed by her 26-year-old boyfriend Sam Asghari or by her business manager Lou Taylor, either or both of whom have some sort of financial interest in maintaining control of Spears’ communications to the outside world and, to a large extent, her career.
Asghari often comments on and likes Spears’ posts, but she never does the same to him, and some fans believe a recent post (embedded below) acknowledging the controversy and allegedly featuring Spears may have shown a body double instead.
As for Taylor, fans are suggesting she is behind an anonymous IG account that is speaking out against the theories and defending herself using a writing style that is very similar to the captions on Spears’ account. Courtney Love (a reliable source, I know) recently commented on IG saying that she supported the #FreeBritney movement and said Taylor tried to take over her estate. Lindsay Lohan is also said to have narrowly avoided a similar arrangement.
Spears does read the comments and is communicating that she needs help by frequently wearing, directly discussing or alluding to the color yellow, something that some fans asked her to do in the comments [though fans have also asked her to wear other colors in the recent past].
Spears is further signaling for help because she has consistently followed only 116 people. If you turn your phone upside down, as the legend goes, it spells out “911.” She is also signaling distress by using hand movements referencing the Illuminati in some of her dancing videos.
Spears is dead and the content is all old, filmed one after the other many months ago. Something that fans believe the individual running the IG account acknowledged with the posting of an allegedly photoshopped screenshot of a photo with a date and timestamp attached. Further evidence of this is the fact that exact outfits, hairstyles and photos often appear weeks or months apart with no explanation.
Spears is a victim of something similar to the CIA’s infamous MK-Ultra mind-control experiments [OK, this one is probably a bridge too far].
What does it all mean?! (Britney Spears/Instagram)
Some who are presumably close to Spears are saying that everything is fine. Of course, her father, Jamie, has dismissed the #FreeBritney movement as a “joke” coming from a bunch of conspiracy theorists. Her sister, Jamie Lynn, has commented as much on Instagram. Her brother, Bryan, has also spoken out in favor of the conservatorship. And her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, also has reportedly indicated via “sources” that Spears is still regularly seeing her children and that the worries were overblown.
Still, Spears’ two sons as recently as about a year and a half ago used to make regular appearances on their mom’s IG feed. They are nowhere to be seen. Neither is anyone who isn’t Asghari — not a family member, a close friend or even a pet. She doesn’t seem to ever leave her home, aside from an occasional trip to the beach (which also, some say, could rely on a body double). And Spears has yet to really acknowledge head-on the barrage of concerned comments that have taken over her social media presence.
While Spears’ account has been a goofy curation of dance videos, outfit pics and inspirational wine mom quotes for years now, it feels different now. Maybe everything is fine, and maybe Spears is getting the support she needs to continue on a road to independence. Maybe her family does have her best interests in mind.
I’m frankly not too sure what to make of all the above, and feel no clearer as to what is going on at Chez Spears these days as before my trip down the conspiracy rabbit hole. But it’s beyond tragic to think of the demise of a beloved star being documented in detail via social media, Black Mirror style, right in front of us in the year 2020. To think that mental health issues remain so stigmatized that they could prevent Spears from having any ownership over her own life, access to her children or the ability to make any major decisions for herself. Maybe #FreeBritney is a myth. But maybe it isn’t. Maybe we’ll never know.
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Watch: If you haven’t watched HBO and Michaela Coel’s I May Destroy You yet, what are you waiting for? Coel is the show’s writer, director, showrunner and star, and its exploration of trauma and survival — which borrows from Coel’s own experience of assault, is powerful, endearing and gut-wrenching. The finale is airing this Monday, so you’ll be able to binge the entire thing in one sitting very soon, if you’re so inclined. (And if you’re struggling to justify splurging on an HBO subscription or at least asking around for a login, consider the fact that you’ll also be able to watch Lovecraft Country, another incredible doozy of a watch which just premiered on HBO.) Anyway, here’s the show’s trailer if you want to get a taste:
Read: I’m currently in two book clubs, one of them focused on queer authors, and our most recently assigned book is Audre Lorde’s Zami: A New Spelling of My Name. I’d read the book once before, in college, and I must say.. it hits different in your thirties and have a little more living under your belt. Lorde’s chronicle of her early life with her family and twenties to early thirties as the began to explore her queer identity and sexuality are searing in some places and downright lyrical in others. If you haven’t read Lorde yet, it’s not a great place to start. This video is from a reading recorded a few months before Lorde’s death:
Give: Earlier this month, a blast in Beirut left behind a huge path of destruction that killed or injured thousands of people and has left many thousands more homeless. It’s also had a pronounced impact on the local queer population, because the neighborhoods hit hardest are where a large portion of the city’s queer residents lived. If you want to help, the London-based organization All Out is raising funds for Proud Lebanon, a local LGBTQ advocacy group. OutRight, another nonprofit, is raising funds for the group Helem, an organization that is also helping the nation’s queer community, and a GoFundMe from a Lebanese expat is also raising funds specifically for the Lebanese trans population.
Listen: If you’re feeling angst and want to sit with that vibe for a bit (who could blame you?), Nashville-based Bully just came out with SUGAREGG, another stunning grunge album. This will transport you to the mid-‘90s and get you ready for the upcoming flannel/chili/pumpkin spice/spooky season.