one of my favorite movies barely exists.
Gather ‘round while I dig deep into 2009’s “Spring Breakdown.”
Queering the Burbs is a distillation of pop culture, politics and queerness published twice weekly by Joe Erbentraut. If you like what you see, please consider subscribing (many posts are free!), liking or sharing this piece, or buying me a coffee. Order Joe’s new zine, Issue #01, here.
I like to think that everyone has a mirage movie in their lives.
A mirage movie is one that so few people have seen, with so ludicrously famous of a cast, that it seems completely implausible that it isn’t at least some type of cult classic. And yet, when you describe your mirage movie in conversation with friends or whoever will listen, it’s consistently met with blank stares. It’s kind of like the whole thing with the Sinbad “movie” Shazaam except this movie very much exists, and it’s somehow become one of your comfort watches. Spring Breakdown is my mirage movie, and for multiple reasons it is the perfect time for this movie to see its legacy re-examined.
Spring Breakdown was released in 2009 and is stacked top to bottom with comedy greats, with the added bonus of a handful of truly head-scratching cameos. It stars Amy Poehler, Parker Posey, and Rachel Dratch as a trio of middle-aged women who are stuck in various ruts in their lives but end up heading to a spring break hotspot to party alongside young people.
The movie’s star power doesn’t stop there. Also along for this cinematic ride are Seth Meyers, Amber Tamblyn, Jane Lynch, Missi Pyle, Loretta Devine, Will Arnett, and Mae Whitman. Leslie Grossman and Luenell briefly play strippers. Pre-allegations Armie Hammer is on camera for almost exactly five seconds. Kristin Cavallari of Laguna Beach/The Hills fame is also present.
Despite all these ingredients, the movie crashed out. Filmed in 2006 on a meager $12 million budget, it was sold to Warner Independent Pictures where it languished on a shelf for a couple of years before the subsidiary was shut down entirely by its parent company. In the height of the recession, it was dumped directly to video in 2009 and has been largely forgotten and mostly derided—it’s got a 4.8-star rating on iMDB)—since then.
But it’s time to give it a fresh look. First of all, it’s spring break season, baby! And most of us can’t afford to go anywhere or do anything! What better excuse than to pop on a forgotten mid-aughts cinematic comedy gem? Also, as I’ve already explained at length in these parts, the people are loving Parker Posey right now, and this is an incredibly entertaining Parker Posey performance for you to enjoy. Finally, you can currently stream this movie for free over on Kanopy, the public library system-associated streaming platform that I swear isn’t paying me anything but I simply cannot stop yapping about here. If for some reason you hate libraries, it’s also a cheap rental on all major VOD platforms—and at a one-hour, 23-minute runtime, do you stand to lose?!
I wouldn’t tell anybody reading this to do something I wouldn’t be willing to do, so of course I had to give this a rewatch over the weekend. I popped a weed gummy, hit play, and took notes on how one stands to benefit from watching this movie. Minor spoilers ahead!
First, the movie opens directly to Poehler, Posey, and Dratch bringing soft harmonies to their cover of Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors” at a college talent show circa 1992. The performance is not well received and it is hereby established that these three besties are social outcasts who would never be mistaken for the popular crowd.
The movie then flashes forward 15 years and we see what these three are up to now: Gayle (Poehler’s character) is training guide dogs for the visually handicapped. Judi (Dratch) is engaged to her closeted gay boyfriend (played mid-aughts, double polo-shirt offensively by Meyers). And Becky (Posey) is the office manager for Lynch’s character, a rifle-slinging conservative Texas senator angling to be the next vice president. And then Becky comes home one day to discover that her cat has died while she was at work.
Becky dedicates a make-your-own-pizza party to her late cat Honey’s memory and Judi proposes a road trip to the group’s favorite “women’s-centric folk music festival” in Tempe, Arizona, but that plan gets ditched when Becky’s boss deputizes her to discreetly monitor the senator’s daughter (played by Tamblyn) on her spring break trip to San Padre, Texas.
The rest of the movie essentially follows a Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar/Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion/Never Been Kissed playbook and there are some true zingers of dialogue, timely needledrops, and bits of physical comedy along the way:
“Hey Becky, you really need to bury that cat.”
Dratch does a keg stand on the beach.
Ida Corr’s “Let Me Think About It” soundtracks a makeover scene.
“Why would anyone want to wrestle in salsa? We’re human beings, not tacos.”
Posey softly sings “We Shall Overcome” while getting arrested.
Multiple The Veronicas songs on the soundtrack.
Dratch is in Avril Lavigne cosplay for some reason.
Poehler wears a comically tiny hat years before the bit came to SNL.
Dratch smooches an Abercrombie model-looking guy to a James Blunt song.
The main trio comes together and sings Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” years before the bit came to Bridesmaids.
All of that said, no, the movie isn’t exactly good. The movie is, well, kind of stupid but in a mostly wonderful way. This is the sort of thing that would show up as a Netflix original very much akin to Wine Country or most of Lindsay Lohan’s recent filmography today, but which the film industry didn’t have much of a place for back then. Also, it’s hard to believe that Hollywood had any idea how to promote a movie led by three “older” actresses even as recently as 15 years ago. The fact that the trailer above centers on Tamblyn rather than the three comedy powerhouses who command most of the screen time says a lot.
Of course, having been filmed in the mid-aughts, the depictions of queer people are pretty bad and Meyers should be required to make donations to LGBTQ+ organizations as penance for his performance here. Also, the script contains a surprising amount of offensive lines and bits centered on Asian characters, though the movie was directed and co-written by former SNL producer Ryan Shiraki, who is Japanese-American.
But despite all this, who in their 30s or 40s can’t find something here to relate to? As much as any of us try to chase our younger selves, we are different people now, but if we’re lucky, we at least have a few folks around who can help us look back on those memories and create new ones.
Plus, well, this movie has Posey going full Carrie in an inflatable pool filled with salsa. That alone is probably worth the rental price for this mirage movie, which I really hope you’ll watch, but even if you don’t, maybe that’s for the best anyway? Part of the beauty of having a mirage movie is that you can pretend it was just for you. Maybe it was just too special/too weird/too much for mainstream success. Or maybe it was all just a dream after all.
What’s your favorite mirage movie? Please share your picks in the comments—the more obscure the better!
P.S. This was a bit of a lighter essay today on account of there being an extra Monday in March and because I’m still exhausted from yesterday’s Books and Brews event. If you’re reading this and we connected, thank you so much for coming out! It was an incredible turnout and I chatted with so many wonderful folks.
Also, my new stickers are now available for online purchase. You can check those out right here. You can also support my work by tipping me a cup of coffee via Ko-fi.com, subscribing, commenting below, sharing this post on social media, or forwarding this email to a friend who you think would enjoy it. Thank you!
SONG OF THE RIGHT-NOW
This song by Berlin producer Avalon Emerson is atmospheric and dreamy, just like the early days of spring should be. It’s a sweet, little, Cocteau Twins-esque indie pop switch-up from her usual work, which includes collaborations with Four Tet. It would probably fall around track six in a mixtape I’d make for you.
Tell me about your life
I wanna hear about your dreams
But any conversation will do really
Or we don't have to talk at all