the BYU virginity club is so real it feels fake.
Is this trending Instagram account too good to be true? I dug in.
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Of course, I love satire. It’s at the heart of the work of some of my favorite filmmakers and authors (John Waters, David Lynch and Ottessa Moshfegh to name just a few). And I also understand that it’s extremely difficult to get right — many try, and many fail. (Just compare Dan Sinker’s infamously hilarious @MayorEmanuel Twitter account skewering the ex-Chicago mayor to the far less successful version a colleague and mine once attempted on the subject of a much less charismatic Illinois politician.)
That’s why I couldn’t look away when the so-called Brigham Young Virginity Club had a viral Instagram moment with its “Pious Girl Summer” post last week.
If you haven’t seen it and have no idea what I’m talking about (congrats on that, honestly — I’m forever coming to terms with my being Too Online), the carousel post begins with a question: “What does the Bible say about Hot Girl Summer?”
The next post notes (correctly, I’m sure) that “some young adults are looking forward to a summer of [post-quarantine, post-vaccine] sun, skin, and seux.” Next comes a passage from Galatians 5:19-21 warning against the “sinful nature of Hot Girl Summer.” The post finally suggests followers adhere to a Pious Girl Summer instead. And what does that entail?
“A summer full of scriptures, sun, and self improvement through religious piety. And remember: modest is hottest!”
Now, it’s probably not a surprise, dear reader, that I am not a religious person. And yet, here I am quoting a Bible verse in my Substack. That’s the power of @byuvirgin.
The account identifies itself as having no official affiliation with BYU, the famously strict Provo, Utah-based private school that is directly sponsored by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). The school, it should be noted, requires its students adhere to an “honor code” that touts a “chaste and virtuous life” in line with LDS teaching and, thus, officially forbids extramarital sex, homosexuality, illegal drugs, alcohol and even coffee and tea.
With all of that in mind, the candor of the @byuvirgin account has caused many observers to believe it’s clearly satirical. Previous posts have addressed the question of whether the “butthole loophole” or (more accurately, it seems) the “poophole loophole” maintains virginity. Another post proclaimed that the club “is proud to stand with the LGBTQ+ community” (as long as they remain virgins, it would appear, based on the club’s response to Lil Nas X’s “Montero” video). And the club’s call to “just say NO to Satan’s cocktail of sex and drugs” has even inspired a t-shirt I’m hoping will soon be restocked on its Etsy shop.
Too good to be true, right? Well, according to a new piece in The Daily Dot, which specializes in reporting on social media trends, an admin of the account has confirmed it is real. Another post from last September said the suspicion with which the organization is often met “proves the premise of our club, which is that virgins are unfairly stigmatized in modern society.”
But isn’t that exactly what a satirical account trying to come across as real say, especially as it looks to continue its growth (the account went from 16,000 followers to 24,000 over the course of just a week)? Some skeptics interviewed by The Daily Dot agree, with one BYU alum believing it to be a takedown of the school’s “virginity culture.”
Still, everyone seems to agree that the account is expertly crafted, regardless of the intention. Everyone, that is, except for the university itself, which has reportedly refused to officially recognize the club as a student organization. A Change.org petition started by the organization is looking to change that, and has drummed up almost 600 signatures so far.
For my part, I want to take this anonymous admin at their word. Thanks to tools like Canva, it’s not that hard to pull together a professional-looking Instagram presence these days, and anyone still unable to conceive of the ability of Gen Z kids to put something like this together clearly hasn’t spent much time scrolling through TikTok to see what this generation is capable of.
Besides, with the way this delta variant appears primed to kick some unvaccinated American ass, it might soon have to be a Pious Girl Summer for all of whether we like it or not.
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BRING ON THE LINKS!!!!!
Of course, there have been plenty of developments in Britney Spears’ battle against her conservatorship of late, but I’ve just got to say that our girl’s recent Instagram posts feel like a turning point to me. If nothing else, these posts calling out her family and directly addressing her legal battle feel more genuine and less filtered than her previous output. I hope it’s a sign of more positive developments to come, but I think it’s fair to say that #freebritney is winning.
Did you realize the opening ceremony of the Olympics in Tokyo are Friday? Like, this Friday? While some folks seem to be focused on the sustainable (not anti-sex) cardboard beds athletes in the Olympic Village will be sleeping (and probably still managing to boink) on, I can’t stop thinking about the more than 70 Covid cases that have already sprung up related to the yet-to-begin games. As Christine Brennan puts it in USA Today, this is the organizers’ nightmare come true. At any rate, here’s an Irish gymnast debunking the “anti-sex” claim.
Brilliant, perfect human (don’t ever tell me otherwise) Gillian Anderson did an Instagram Live last week and happened to mention that she was done wearing bras and said she didn’t care “if my breasts reach my belly button.” This became an international news story, as it absolutely should. Sex Education season three (premiering on Netflix Sept. 17!) can’t come soon enough, in the meantime I’ll continue to revel in Anderson’s #penisoftheday posts.
By now you’ve probably already seen and grown exhausted of the heavily meme-d photo from the Cannes premiere of The French Dispatch featuring none other than Timothée Chalamet, Wes Anderson, Bill Murray and Tilda Swinton. Is it cheugy to still be talking about this photo all these days later? At any rate, this version hit a bit too close to home.
Embattled Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Erika Jayne continues to demonstrate zero public sympathy for the victims allegedly defrauded by her ex-husband Tom Girardi. She is instead taking to Twitter to criticize her legal representation and to tell her detractors “you picked on the wrong bitch.” Last week, she was accused of owing her ex’s law firm $25 million.
Bloomberg Businessweek published some nonsense about Americans frantically seeking “to slim down for the perfect office bod” and the quote-tweet dunks were nothing short of immaculate.
Really, really rich man Jeff Bezos went up really, really high in the sky, and (unfortunately) returned to Earth.
Last week was a busy one for new music, between Normani releasing “Wild Side” (and a stunning, NSFW video) with Cardi B, and Caroline Polachek dropping the surprise track “Bunny is a Rider,” but for this week’s bop I wanted to highlight the music of Mermaid, an R&B/folk-influenced duo that is set to perform at Slo Mo’s free “Divas Through the Decades” event taking place at Millennium Park’s Jay Pritzker Pavilion on Monday, Aug. 2. The event is kicking off the return of the Millennium Park’s Summer Concert Series and is celebrating the Chicago queer party’s tenth anniversary this year. More details on the event here, and enjoy Mermaid’s gorgeous track “Find Me” below.
Finally, I just launched a Tori Amos astrology/meme account, if you’re into that sort of thing. I’m already arguing with French anti-vaxxers in the comments, so it’s a spicy follow.