tonya harding on cameo is peak celebrity cringe. maybe that’s OK.
As a self-certified expert in both figure skating and C-list celebrity status, this is my Olympic Games.
Queering the Burbs is a weekly-ish distillation of pop culture, politics and queerness. If you like what you see, please consider subscribing (it’s free!), liking or sharing this piece.
I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing when I learned that Tonya Harding, possibly the world’s most controversial and (in)famous figure skater of all time, had joined Cameo, but in that moment, everything in my life made just a little bit more sense.
On Aug. 19, via a heavily pixelated video with no audio posted to her Instagram account, Harding announced that she had launched a Cameo page, as well as a merchandise store selling some of the most generic-looking celeb merch I’ve ever seen (though I’m not totally opposed to this camo dad hat).
This announcement represented a break from Harding’s usual content, which typically consists of American flags, faith-based platitudes and (most unfortunately) Covid vaccine conspiracy theories. Maybe this meant the turning over of a new leaf for the former star, I thought. I was riveted and signed up to be one of 90+ members of her (free) Cameo fan club.
Why am I so fascinated? Well, it is probably thanks to Harding and her dealings with her ex Jeff Gillooly that I was introduced to this bizarre sport I love. My first memory of watching figure skating was during the 1994 Winter Olympic Games, which drew record-high ratings to the sport because of the media circus surrounding the attack on Nancy Kerrigan a month earlier. (Speaking of which, if you want to relive Harding’s broken-lace prime-time drama set to the Jurassic Park score — part of what is said to be the seventh highest rated television broadcast ever — from that night in full, you can do so here).
I was, as you can probably guess, hooked. I even somehow convinced my parents that I should be put in charge of naming all of the small stable of dairy cows we kept, and that I should name them after famous figure skaters. (It should be noted that the calf we dubbed “Tonya,” after Harding, quickly earned a reputation for her frequent attempts to escape the pasture.)
My fascination with Harding has ebbed and flowed ever since then. When she returned to public life to help promote the Oscar-bait film I, Tonya, I couldn’t hold back a shudder as she stood side by side with the iconic Allison Janney at a film premiere red carpet — what had Janney done to deserve this?! I rolled my eyes when film critics and friends alike embraced Harding as a folk hero, of sorts, while ignoring the fact that she almost certainly participated in an attack on her rival that very easily could have paralyzed her. Still, when Harding did a circuit of “celebrity” reality shows including Dancing With the Stars and (my guiltiest television pleasure) Celebrity Worst Cooks, I couldn’t look away from the messiness of it all.
As for Cameo, I was fascinated by the concept the first time I encountered it. If you’re not familiar, this is how it works: Celebrities of varying repute set up an account and name their price for you (their fans) to request a video greeting from them. It sounds too stupid and simple to work, right? Wrong. Cameo is big business — the company (which pockets 25 percent from every booking on its platform) is valued at more than $1 billion after selling over $100 million worth of Cameos last year.
Of course, there have been growing pains with Cameo. In recent years, Brett Favre and Soulja Boy both unknowingly recorded greetings with coded anti-Semitic messaging, and politicians have started using the platform to solicit celebrity endorsements. But, mostly, it’s harmless fun. As both a giver (thanks Nikki Blonsky from the movie Hairspray!) and a receiver (thanks Real Housewives of Potomac star Candiace Dillard!), I’ve been entirely satisfied.
The pandemic has also meant impressive headwinds for Cameo’s bottom line, as many celebrities suddenly found themselves without the steady income associated with events like concerts, fan conventions and the like.
And in a way, Harding feels like the perfect match for Cameo. For one, she is no stranger to the hustle. After the sport of figure skating exploded in popularity in no small part thanks to her transgression, she was not able to reap the financial reward from that boom. Not only was Harding formally banned for life from continuing in the sport as an Olympic-aspiring competitor, but she was also black-listed from the lucrative professional gigs that turned names like Kristi Yamaguchi, Scott Hamilton and Kerrigan into major stars earning sometimes more than $14,000 per night on national tours approaching 60 or 70 stops each year.
Meanwhile, Harding took on a range of gigs over the years to make ends meet. She was briefly a professional boxer who took on Paula Jones in a televised Celebrity Boxing match. She was a commentator on TruTv’s World’s Dumbest... She’s also worked as a Sears sales clerk, painted houses and worked in construction and landscaping. She’s been the subject of countless documentaries, including an ESPN 30 for 30 and is also now immortalized in a Sufjan Stevens song she hates (probably because she’s not seeing any coin from it). Cameo feels like the logical next step.
But these Cameo greetings from Harding, at $60 a pop, have an awkward energy that makes them a somewhat uncomfortable watch. In the brief video greetings that were (until recently) visible on her profile page, Harding appeared to be reading (word for word) from identical notes while standing somewhat uncomfortably in front of a large bush. In each of them, she repeats a variation on what appears to be her mantra: “May you stay strong, may you keep your faith, and God bless.”
The energy feels deeply haunted, but do Harding’s fans care or even notice? Harding has already accrued 10 five-star reviews in her short time on the platform so far, with multiple people commenting that their video was “perfect” or “fantastic” or even, in the words of one happy customer: “I literally almost started crying, this totally made my day/week/year.”
And honestly, at this point in the pandemic, who can deny someone the pleasure of having their day/week/year made, even if it’s at the hands of an incredibly problematic vaccine skeptic? While I won’t be ordering one of these videos for myself, I truly can’t be mad at the game. Good for her, I guess, but as much as I love an underdog, I’m forever #TeamNancy and personally prefer Yamaguchi’s seemingly more heartfelt Cameos (though those will set you back $100 apiece).
***
BRING ON THE LINKS (what I’m reading, watching, listening to and thinking about this week):
Kicking things off on the queer west suburban Chicago front, the two-day Naper Pride Fest kicks off Saturday at the Naper Settlement. One-day tickets to the fest start at $15 apiece for adults, and includes access to entertainment including headliner Thelma Houston.
And one more thing on the local front: My wonderful pal Brea just launched a newsletter of her own featuring her dispatches from suburban life. I highly encourage you to give it a gander.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how Texas’ disturbing new anti-abortion law has essentially torpedoed Roe v. Wade in this country by going so far as to codify “bounty hunters,” and it’s made me question both how we got here and what comes next. This new story from The New York Times details how the anti-abortion movement worked toward this unfortunate win. If you are looking for something to do to support abortion access in Texas and beyond, New York magazine has compiled this list of 20 organizations that can put your donation to good use. I’m also personally partial to the Midwest Access Coalition.
The legendary actor Michael K. Williams (The Wire, Lovecraft Country, Boardwalk Empire) has passed away at the age of 54, and Twitter is helping the world rediscover Williams’ history as a brilliant choreographer and dancer who worked with the likes of Madonna, George Michael and brought this iconic bop to life in its music video:
Dame Helen Mirren was recently in Italy for the Venice Film Festival and a Dolce & Gabbana event and very clearly had the very best of times, including getting down with none other than thee Megan Thee Stallion.
The less we say about Amazon’s cursed Cinderella film, the better. Between Camilla Cabello’s racism and off-pitch vocals, James Corden’s aggressive thrusting in a mouse fursuit and a blasphemous cover of Janet Jackson’s “Rhythm Nation,” I feel incredibly sorry that the excellent Billy Porter somehow got roped into this mess.
On the book front, I’ve been slowly chipping away at the audiobook of Ashley C. Ford’s Somebody’s Daughter and am at that stage where I’m dreading its completion — every word, every sentence is a delight, and I don’t want it to end. If you’re looking for a truly captivating memoir for an incredible writer, this is it. Learn more about Ford and her memoir via this interview over the summer with Trevor Noah:
Somebody’s landlord just literally painted over (and thus enshrined) a cockroach on their wall.
You ever wonder why so many movie trailers featured slowed-down, emotive covers of popular songs (such as Destiny’s Child’s “Say My Name” soundtracking the excellent new Candyman reboot)? Variety recently posed the question to some industry types and got some.. not terribly surprising answers, but it’s still an interesting read if you’re a nerd like me.
Life is a lot right now. If you want a simple, incredibly comforting pasta recipe that won’t create much in the way of dishes you need to wash (and will take care a lot of those late-summer tomatoes you might have sitting around), I’m a vocal advocate for Martha Stewart’s one-pot pasta. Based on the reviews of this dish on Martha’s website, it’s very possibly a somewhat polarizing dish for some, but if you are struggling to work up motivation to cook these days (who could blame you?), I encourage you to give it a try anyway.
Singer-songwriter Kacey Musgraves is about to drop her newest album, titled star-crossed, later this week and has already released two tracks from the effort. I’m beyond ready for sad girl fall. Here is “justified,” the QTB bop of the week.