wouldn’t it be nice?

Reflections on music, nostalgia and a 50-year marriage.

Labor Day has come and gone and, to be frank, this weekend I don’t have much for you, dear readers.

To borrow a phrase from Tara Haelle writing in Elemental last month, I think that between the approaching election, the ongoing pandemic and the pride flag being stolen off of our home this week, I’ve reached my surge capacity. Frankly, my “resilience bank account” could seriously use a deposit.

But yesterday was a powerful step in that direction, and the reason this post is a day late. Stefin and I traveled up to Wisconsin to watch my parents renew their vows on their 50th wedding anniversary with a ceremony timed down to the exact hour of their original union. It was a tender, vulnerable day shared with a group of about a half dozen family members — and the experience made me feel grateful for family and their role in resilience through the years. Learning to navigate loving relationships with family over time amid the tumult of these times is of course a major strain, but it also comes with a large reward. There’s truly nothing else quite like it.

I was asked to curate a playlist for before, during and after the ceremony, and the experience of compiling these songs of celebration was one drenched in heavy nostalgia for the many, many hours I spent riding along in a truck with my dad as he drove from farm to farm, visiting customers all across southeast Wisconsin. These songs mainly from the ‘60s come from the era when my dad was first coming into his own, driving around in his first car and pumping it full of gas purchased using the money earned at his first job. 

My parents married when they were 21 and it’s difficult to imagine what either of my parents were like separately, before they met in college and began to merge their lives. But these songs offer transport to those formative years. And when I close my eyes and listen to them, I feel like all is right in the world again.

Reveling in nostalgia just feels right for this time of year. The end of summer typically means a return to school, the beginning of fall and, most years, the most nostalgic annual music gathering in Chicago: Riot Fest. Going to that festival is an experience I’ll be missing dearly this year, especially as I reflect on last year’s sets from the B-52s, Patti Smith, Save Ferris and Bikini Kill. Attending that festival with Stefin and our dear friend Rachel, I knew that just a matter of a few days later, on the 10th anniversary of dating, I’d be proposing to Stefin. That feeling of being on the precipice in the Before Times is a cherished memory.

Below are a few of the songs I compiled for yesterday’s vow renewal (get ready for some seriously impressive sideburns), along with some covers. If you prefer, I’ve also put together a Spotify playlist version of this collection. Take care of yourselves, watch the Patti LaBelle-Gladys Knight Verzuz, sign up to be a poll worker or to write letters to swing-state voters and let’s do this again next week.