don’t understand transgender people? fine, you don’t have to.
I spoke with Naperville trans woman Beverly Trafton about her new business and the state of trans rights in America.
Queering the Burbs is a regularly-published distillation of pop culture, politics and queerness written by Joe Erbentraut. If you like what you see, please consider subscribing (many posts are free!), liking or sharing this piece. Order Joe’s new zine, Issue #01, here.
It feels like every day under this new administration brings fresh horrors, and that’s particularly the case if you’re trans or love someone who’s trans. It’s gotten to the point where I instinctively flinch every time a new news notification pops up on my phone, for fear that it will be another dagger pointed straight at some of my nearest and dearest friends and confidants.
To date, the Trump administration has issued at least five executive orders that explicitly target trans Americans and have already resulted in federal websites getting scrubbed of any and all mention of trans and queer folks, trans folks getting their passports taken out of their possession, and gender-affirming care for trans youth being put on hold. Slate’s Scott Skinner-Thompson described these actions as a new Jim Crow for trans people aimed at not only pushing trans people out of public life but denying their very existence altogether.
The language in these orders is horrifyingly dehumanizing and regressive, describing trans people as liars and “afflicted” among many other things. If the orders stand the test of the courts that are already challenging the constitutionality of many of them, it will mark a new, dark era for our community—and we may have not even seen the worst of it yet.
But what we’re not going to do as queer and trans people is take this assault lying down. As Andy Warhol muse and trans icon Candy Darling once said, “You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality.” I find myself constantly in awe and admiration of my trans friends’ tenacity to live in their full truths, even in the most hostile of environments. I marvel at their glow. I wish every day that I could be more like them.
That brings me to my friend Beverly Trafton, who I met through mutual friends a couple of years ago. I have loved getting to know Beverly and witnessing her journey during these uncertain times. Trafton’s history in this area goes back several decades. She was born at Elmhurst Hospital and grew up in Wheaton prior to a series of moves throughout the Midwest that eventually landed her back in the Fox Valley.
Now living in Naperville, Trafton recently launched a new Oswego-based business called Transcendent Electrolysis. Her services are open to all, but she offers a discount to trans and nonbinary clients. (If you are interested in working with Trafton, you can reach out to her via social media.)
In celebration of Trafton’s new launch, I recently spoke with her about her experience coming out as trans later in life, how her transition led to the creation of her new business, and what she wants allies to know amid the non-stop onslaught of anti-trans hate coming from this new administration in recent weeks. Our conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
When did you first have an inkling that you were different?
Probably around five years old I would say. One of my first memories was that I should never let people know who I was. I should never tell people who I really was and that I should always project being a boy. And since then I've talked to psychiatrists and psychologists about this and they say that's not a normal thought for a five-year-old. That was a trauma response and that was a survival mechanism.
My mom had this story—and she loved telling the story for various reasons—that I was in kindergarten and I would be running around when we got to go outside on the playground, and I would be knocking people over. I was pretending I was Batman, and I would just run over and knock people over so much so that the teachers had to ask my mom to please stop letting him watch Batman.
It took me a really long time to figure out that I was perfecting my persona of what I thought a boy should be, that boys should be hyper-masculine and he should be hyper-aggressive and violent. And that was my admittedly horribly overproduced impression of what I should be. I had no definitions, I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that to survive I had to project what I thought was typical boy.
It's like when you have a high school bully and then it turns out they come out as gay years later and you're like, oh, that's maybe what was going on. They were overcompensating. It's like you recognize that thing in yourself, but you just can't process it yet. So it comes out in that way.
Fast forwarding from your childhood, tell me about your experience coming out as trans.
My egg-cracking moment came at about age 57 or 58. Leading up to that point, I suspected heavily that I was trans, but I wasn't sure. But there was no decision. I had nothing to decide. I could decide whether to come out, but the fact of what I was was not a decision to make.
The revelation actually came in a dream, which is really funny. It was one of those Groucho Marx routines where you’re seeing this beautiful woman in the mirror in front of me and all of a sudden it's like, oh my God, that's me. That woke me out of a dream and I was sweating and palpitating. That was the breakthrough moment when I connected my subconscious with my conscious and finally my subconscious was like, hello, it's time to cut this shit out.
I love that it came to you in a dream. That’s such a beautiful, beautiful example. What’s been the most challenging part as well as the most rewarding part of your transition so far?
Every day has been rewarding. The farther I've gone on my journey, honestly, I lived with so much anger during most of my life, not realizing where it was coming from, and just having those answers, has really helped with me. Starting that transition was very difficult. I couldn't get HRT because it was in the pandemic and Planned Parenthood was already overwhelmed with the women's healthcare issues of other states. I couldn't get in there.
So the most difficult part was probably just right at the beginning, when I started coming out to my family, came out to my friends, and then finally came out to everybody before I started HRT. I had moved forward ever since that egg-cracked moment. It was like, OK, I know what I have to do and I don't have a choice. I have to do this to survive. Many people have said, oh, you're so brave. But you don’t understand, it's imperative. I have to do this. It doesn't matter how brave or not brave I am, this has to be done. And I just went full steam. It was very difficult not having the facial feminization and skin care and body fat redistribution and things like that going for me before I came out. That's probably a much easier way to come out, but I didn't do that. I just went ahead and pulled off the band-aid.
My old anger issues would vent the built-up gender dysphoria. Now, I didn't really have that vehicle to release that pressure. So what I had to do was I had to move forward in my transition to combat my dysphoria. Every time I would make a step like, oh, I'm going to use this bathroom today, this is not the usual bathroom I used, that was a step forward that would keep my dysphoria down because I knew I was making progress. I came out to this person today, that was progress. Every time I made progress, I could calm myself and keep the dysphoria down. Dysphoria, by the way, I can't wish on my very worst enemy. It was a major problem for me.
That was all difficult, but it was all rewarding at the same time because it propelled me forward. My life today is probably more difficult than it was before, honestly, due to the times. If these were normal times, it would be much easier, but it's not. But also, now my mind is at peace with myself for the first time.
Obviously it's the elephant in the room: these times we're living in. Maybe a lot of us didn't expect we would be living this reality in 2025 in the United States in a blue state, and in a pretty blue county. So tell me how you’re weathering this storm and where you’re looking for the strength and energy to carry through and push ahead right now?
The election kicked my ass. I was worried going into it, especially with Biden getting out and Kamala coming in. And then it was looking OK for a while there, and it was literally our projections were 50/50. I was quietly hopeful, and then the election happened. I was like, oh, Jesus, not again. And I had seen the Project 2025 stuff, and so that has been overwhelming.
Since the inauguration, every day is a new stressor, the new reality that we have to deal with. And those are all very difficult. So what do I do to combat that? I would say community and friends just reaching out because I will be there for other people to lean on me. But you know what? I need somebody to lean on just as much, and hopefully that can all happen in sync where we all don't need to lean on each other at the same time.
I’ve also opened up my new electrolysis business offering my services, because I had a difficult time getting services for me. When I was training to get my license in electrolysis, I was introduced to so many trans women, and I had the opportunity to work with them over a longer period of time seeing the progress and you can see the correlation with that progress with their attitude towards themselves, which I just absolutely loved. I'm a person that when I help other people, I feel so much better. When I'm able to better somebody else's life, that helps me more than I can help myself honestly.
Tell me more about how you landed on your electrolysis business as the next step for you? I know you worked as an air traffic controller previously, so that's a big career transition too.
Working as an air traffic controller is a very alpha male-dominated space. Basically you're in a room at any one time with 15 other alpha males all in the same place, which is a lot. It's like an NFL locker room all the time. When I transitioned, I had already retired—they force you to retire at age 56 in the United States. I don't know if I had known who I was then if I could have come out. It was such a horrible environment.
But the reason I got into what I'm doing now is, number one, I needed something to do so I wouldn't go crazy. I needed electrolysis for myself. I started on my face, and so I found a person to do that. And then I realized I needed bottom surgery. That's a very personal decision, and I needed to tamp down my gender dysphoria. One thing you have to do when you do that is you have to get electrolysis in the groin area as part of that process. That’s a year to year-and-a-half-long process and finding somebody to do that was extremely difficult. And so I decided, you know what? We need more resources, especially for pre-op work, that just is not available out there. The person I was referred to had a waiting list of 25 people.
I love your logo, which comes from a painting that our mutual friend Peter Thaddeus created. Tell me more about that.
I mean, that was fate because Peter did that painting in 2021, and he named it “Transcendent.” I had seen the painting, but I didn't know the name of it. So then when I named my business, I named it Transcendent Electrolysis, and then I looked at Peter’s website and thought, oh, that's such a great painting. And then, oh my God, it's named “Transcendent.” I talked to Peter and, number one, he is an amazing person. He let me use that painting as the basis for my logo. Another community member helped me with the graphics on that, and she knows Peter as well, which was amazing, but he didn't have to do that. I asked him if the original was still available and he still had it and I had to get it there. Now I want it there just to inspire my clients as they come in, because it's beautiful. It just radiates joy, and that's what I want to spread.
It can serve as a powerful reminder of the incredible community that we’re both a part of out here in the area, too. You’re very involved with Belong: Fox Valley, too. Tell me about how you found your way to that group.
I love that group so much. I went to Ren Faire on Labor Day of 2022, and I'm driving home. I knew there was a Cheers Queers event happening, and I'm like, OK, if I turn left, I'm going to go home. If I turn right, I'm going to go to Cheers Queers, because I knew nobody, nothing. It's just l knew there was this group out there and I was trying new things and meeting new people. I turned right and I went to my first Cheers Queers and I met the most amazing people, just down-to-earth people talking and being themselves and it was very welcoming. They're doing it the right way, building it up with empathy and with action and with purpose, and now they're supporting the kids in the area, and they're supporting newcomers. I've referred so many people over there because it's just a wonderful group. I can't recommend them enough.
Does it surprise you to see how many opportunities there are now for trans and queer folks here in this area, after growing up in the area? I’ve seen so much growth just in the last eight years we’ve lived here.
Absolutely. My two oldest girls went to Batavia High School, and they spent a long time out here. I love the progress and I've seen it too. I mean, there's the old school folks and they're still around, but they're less vocal—although since the election, maybe not as much. But very, very real progress has been made and it's now a place where we can thrive. We're going to have our difficulties absolutely, but that’s true anywhere.
So much misinformation concerning the trans community, even with the LGBTQ+ community, among cis queer people, continues to fester. What would you most like to see cleared up among folks who just don’t get it still?
You know what, I really appreciate the attempt that some cis het people make to understand this, and I will do as much as I can to further that understanding. But in the end, you don't need to understand it. You just need to be accepting, be considerate, be polite. That's all. So if you’re my next-door neighbor and you've got questions, I'm going to answer 'em, but I'm not going to, as long as you're civil to me, I'm absolutely going to be civil to you regardless. But it's okay to not understand us because it's a very hard thing to understand, honestly. And I understand after going through the transition of not knowing who I was, to finding out who I was, to living who I was. It’s very complicated.
The attempt to understand is fantastic, but if you don't understand, it's OK. It's giving equal rights to somebody else that does not take away any rights from anybody else. So what is the problem? I'm a person. You're a person. Let's get to know each other and hey, maybe they'll understand me just a little bit better, but that's just gravy at that point. You know what I mean?
For folks who are reading this who see themselves as allies to trans people and are wondering what they can do to help right now, what do you want to see from them?
Stand up for us when we're not in the room. When you hear there's no trans people in your area and you hear somebody spouting off about, oh my God, this is horrible and we should do these terrible things, we need people to stand up for us and asking, “Hey, why do you want to do that? What are they doing to you? How is that affecting you? What’s the point of all this?” More than anything else, that would be amazing, because that's just getting to people where they live. You’re not going to convert them, but ask them, “Hey, why do you care? It's like, what are they doing? Are they ruining society? Are they really?” We’re not trying to convert anybody. We just want to live our lives. And if that could come from our allies in places where we’re not, that would be a huge step forward.
At this point, honestly, it doesn't matter how loud I can yell. The people that I could influence have already been influenced. Everybody else has tuned me out. We need to hear from the people saying, “Hey, I'm not trans, but why are you picking on these people?” That's what we need.
For more words from queer folks out here doing the work in the western ‘burbs and beyond, read my previous interviews with Batavia artist Annie Hex, Aurora organizer Javi, the organizers of Geneva Pride, Paramount Theatre artistic director Jim Corti, Aurora trans activist Penelope Torres, North Aurora musician Katie Bogle, Hoof & Horn co-owners Jarrod Johnson and Adrian Xavier Frost, Batavia activist Scott Naylor, Youth Outlook’s Carolyn Wahlskog, Ramshackle Farm’s Shannon and Eve Mingalone, Batavia’s Lyndsay Hartman, Aurora activist Fred Yanos, On Point Nails’ Hailey Conran, and Batavia’s Martin Beirne. As always, your support—via comments, shares and subscriptions—is so deeply appreciated.
HAVE YOU HYPER-FIXATED LATELY?
If you’re a paying subscriber, first of all, thank you! You’re amazing, you’re incredible, you look like Linda Evangelista. Second of all, you already know that I just launched a new monthly feature offering a deep dive into my pop culture hyperfixation of the moment. Last week, that was Ontario, Canada-based afternoon tea room reviews, and I’m looking forward to sharing more of the zany things that occupy my brain and TikTok For You page. In the meantime, however, I desperately need to highlight three things I cannot shut up about while they are still at least semi-relevant:
First of all, there’s the American woman in Pakistan. She reportedly traveled there to meet her husband(?) but he did not agree to marry her and she refused to leave the country until the nation of Pakistan compensated her. According to Arab News, she has finally returned to the United States after becoming something of a media sensation.
And then there’s Gabby Windey, the former The Bachelor and The Bachelorette star who has emerged as one of the fan-favorite competitors on this current season of The Traitors (which you absolutely should be watching). Windey is effortlessly hilarious and charming on the show and on social media. She also speaks no lies. I, too, feel that men should not be public-facing.
Finally, there are the Brits who are keeping busy eating the cuisine of various American fast and fast-casual chain restaurants for the first time while on vacation in Florida. Their review of Cheesecake Factory? Positively lush, babes.
SONG OF THE RIGHT-NOW
Have you listened to Erasure lately? If not, I recommend fixing that. My friend Ruth relaunched her pandemic-era Zoom dance parties over the weekend and I was overjoyed to dance in front of my iPad to this absolute stone-cold banger, “Breath of Life” off their album Chorus (1991). This song is for everyone looking to let loose and let go a little bit right now. Wherever you are when you’re reading this, I dare you to put down your phone and dance. At least a little bit. I bet you’ll feel better.
Oh I want life
Life wants me
To breath in it's love
Loved this interview. I know Beverly. She’s a wonderful person. Zoom dance parties? I didn’t know that was a thing, but sounds awesome.